It you don’t know me yet, like everyone else

 

It was Sunday afternoon; the sun kisses the vastness
of the ocean. All I can hear is a thrilling music made by the birds playing
freely up the blue sky. I was just quietly lying on a swing hangs on both
trunks of twin coconut trees listening to my favorite music. I could feel the soothing
breeze of the northeast wind which calms my perplexed mind.

I was in a short vacation after I got promoted from
my work. I’m sure you don’t know me yet, like everyone else does, by the way,
I’m Grey, 32 years old and still single, why?. . .you don’t wanna know the
reason. I have a perfect life. I live in a large condo unit and I have a stable
job however, despite having all these things, still, I can get no satisfaction.
I’m still yearning for something, something that I can’t possibly achieve. I
don’t know why everybody keeps distant on me especially the persons whom I was
with before. Everything seemed to change since that time- the moment when I’m
all ready to accept who I really am thinking that they might totally accept me
as well. But things turned out different from what I have anticipated to
happen. They turned their back at me, no one left on my side.  Many get envy with me because at my young age
I already have a great achievement compare to my colleagues who have been
working for more than 20- 30 years but still ditched on the same position. I
can’t blame them, but they don’t know anything about me. . .so I just don’t
mind them, instead, they become my motivation to even persevere harder. Well,
enough for that melodramatic glimpse of my life, I’d like to share my
unforgettable experience which really changed my perspective in life. Before I
reached the kind of life I’m having right now, I thought life is
unfair, that’s the way I see it though. I thought there couldn’t be anyone who
will accept and love me. I feel like I am the greatest curse in this world,
life is indeed uncertain, I don’t know what’s waiting for me there. . . I’m
tired of waiting, all my life I’ve waited to that something yet, failure always
comes my way until there is this one person who believes on the things that I
am capable of doing that even I, myself do not know. He is Ryle, my childhood
friend and we’re classmates since elementary but we parted ways when we
enrolled at high school because he received a petition from his mom in Australia
since then we lost our communication with each other. I continue to live my
life even I feel this thing that I can’t explain, my life seemed to be lacking
of something since my best friend left but I cannot find it out. I know it’s
difficult to accept but I should move forward and hope that we’ll meet each
other again.

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As I continue living my life, I enrolled at the
famous university in our province and there I met Andy, compare to other girls
in our campus who are wearing sexy dresses, conscious about their looks, well,
Andy is different. She is the kind of girl who doesn’t care about how others
may say about how she acts and looks. And that is the characteristic of her
that really caught me, I like the way she is because it reminds me of Ryle,
they have similarities in some sense, reason why I feel comfortable every time
we make time together. We spend most of our time together doing non sense
things, she is also a joker and a consistent rank 1 in her section, I remember
the times when she saved me whenever I did not do my projects and assignment.
You can tell that I’m not as smart as she is, I just have favoritism in terms
of my subjects. I don’t have any sense of interest in other subjects especially
in laboratory, but I love English subject. Our school always chooses me to
compete with other schools whenever there are Essay Writing Competition and
Declamation Contest and I always bagged the championship. I’m not boasting but
I am also one of the great actors in our theater club, I love acting and this
talent seemed to be innate in me, perhaps it was just developed through the
years, it’s still fresh in my mind when my mom and dad both died in a car
accident, I cried for two days- nonstop, kidding aside.

Time flies rapidly, and I didn’t notice that my feelings
for Andy also changed. I don’t know but she looks more beautiful each and every
day. I felt a sudden awkward moment with her, I feel these some kind of
feelings towards her, actually every time she hugs me like she usually does, I
feel like my body is burning and she noticed that I’m blushing. And from that
on, she teases me, telling me that I have feelings for her but I always denied
it and tried to act as normal as I can for her to stop teasing me. But I know
the more I denied this feeling the more it hurts for me to confess it to her.
Yes, I completely fell for her, but she must not know it because I know what
her reaction will be. We’re just best friends, and that’s what she ultimately
wants, she doesn’t want to lose our friendship because of that damned feeling,
neither do I. She is NBSB- No Boyfriend
Since Birth- maybe because she’s a product of a broken family. Her parents
got separated because of third- party issue. Her dad was with someone when her
mom was abroad working for them, she couldn’t tell it to her mom fearing to
lose her family but there is no secret that cannot be known. When her mom knew
the issue she stopped sending money and totally forgot them reason why she
transferred here in her aunt’s place and from then on her aunt is the only
family that she has. I don’t wanna hurt her feeling so I just hid my feelings
for her and just moved on.

It was one month before the graduation, and one of
my requirements for graduation is to conduct a research survey about the level
of satisfaction of the customers in one of the Luxurious Hotel in Boracay. I
was very problematic that time because I don’t know what to do. I have to do
the task for me to get a passing grade in our Practical Research II but thanks
God I have Andy who is willing to help conducting the said survey. She
accompanied me in Boracay for more than two weeks and things turned out easier
since I have this genius. I finished the task earlier than the expected time
because of her help so we still have one day to spend in the place. We spent
the last day roaming around different hotels and beaches, while we were walking
by the seashore my phone suddenly rings, someone is calling. The number is not
registered on my phone so I abruptly answered it expecting that that call might
be from my prof. I politely answered but no one was responding, when I’m about
to end the call someone has spoken in a familiar tone. At first, I cannot
recognize the voice but I know it’s kinda familiar until he said, “hello bhuds!
Where are you?”. I knew it! It’s been a while since I heard that word “bhuds”,
and there’s only one person in this world who call me that. I almost cried and
shout and I don’t know what to say until he spoke again, “I miss you bhuds and
I will really kiss you when I see you I can’t wait any longer. I’m here in your
apartment come and see me!” I laughed so hard, he hasn’t changed, he’s still
the Ryle that I know. I want to express how I missed him and tell it to him but
the call ended all of a sudden. I grabbed Andy’s arm and hurried back to the
hotel to pack our things for our departure, Andy knows Ryle because he’s always
our topic when we are having conversations, she’s also aware how precious Ryle
is to me because he is my only friend before I met her and she’s happy for me now
that I’m about to see my long gone friend which I did not expect and see even
in my dreams. I thought I totally lost him…I thought I will never have him
back…but now that I know he is waiting for me there I don’t what to do…what
should I tell him first…it’s been more than 10 years since he left. Those are
just some questions which are running through my mind and I can’t seem to think
an answer.

It was past 1:00 a.m. when I arrived home, but I’m
still widely awake thinking of what is he possibly doing now in my apartment;
the entire room is so quiet. I headed toward my bedroom and I was startled when
I saw him lying on my bed, he was deeply sleeping. I moved without making a
sound so I cannot disturb him, I keenly look at him and I could see that he
changed a lot. I couldn’t recognize him at all, I could see his six packs abs
and his muscles are well developed, perhaps he is always working out on a gym
to achieve that perfect body, I told myself. His face looks very innocent;
anyone could think that he is a model or an artist because of his perfect look.
“I missed you, Ryle”, I whispered. Perhaps he was very tired from travel so I
did not mind to wake him and opted to sleep on the couch.

The ray of the sunlight penetrating on the glass of
the window hitting my face awakes me, and I was startled when I saw him sitting
right in front of me, his stare and smile irritates me because it gives me an
uncomfortable feels. “hey bhuds!” he said. “He….hey….hey!”, I replied in a
tottering voice. I became too conscious and asked myself how long has he been
watching me sleeping and I blushed and then…”hey!” and he suddenly threw the
pillow on my face and laughed. He really knows how to annoy me so I yelled and
he ran out of the room. I went to the comfort room and took a shower, I can
hear him from the kitchen shouting, “breakfast is ready!”. I got dressed and
went to the kitchen to have breakfast with him. The table is all set. “Is this
the feeling of having a partner in life”, I asked myself. “Did you all cook
these?” I asked him. “Of course, are you surprised?” he replied. “Since when
did you learn to cook? Hahaha”, I rebutted and we both laughed. He doesn’t know
how to cook before, I could still remember when he tried to cook an egg when
their nannie was off duty, and he almost burns the entire kitchen of their
house.

After a long conversation and telling me the reason he
came back, I decided to introduce him to Andy, so I called Andy to go over my
place to finally meet Ryle. I don’t know what’s on that day but Andy looks very
beautiful my jaw is like falling on the ground and it’s just wow! “Hi! Get in!
I’d like you to meet my bestfriend”, I invited her in and Ryle was in my
bedroom that time so I called him up and finally introduced him to Andy. It
seemed like an angel from heaven came down because the ambiance is so quiet,
the two were just looking at each other’s eyes and in my guess Andy was star
strucked and that’s the first time I saw her acting like that. I made a
disturbing sound,”Ehemmmm. . . “and both of the two completely flushed. I
introduced the two to each other and I told Andy that Ryle is in a one month
vacation that he just accompanied his aunt here in the Philippines for a family
grand reunion.

Days passed and the two got completely used to each
other perhaps because they have similarities. There are times that they go out
alone, yes, sometimes I got jealous but they are both my friends and I know
that Andy will not fall for Ryle for sure coz, she doesn’t want to have
boyfriend and Ryle is not that stupid enough to fall for my bestfriend because
he has only one week remaining time to stay in the Philippines and sooner or
later he would go back to Australia. I stopped thinking about my selfishness
and tried to compose myself. A day before Ryle’s departure I saw the two
talking seriously, “Am I interrupting?” I asked. “No, of course not!”, they
answered in chorus making an uncomfortable look at each other. “I have to go
now Grey, my mom is waiting for me at the supermarket!, Andy said and she left.
“Seriously? you just arrived and now you’re leaving, let’s go inside I prepared
foods for dinner.” I replied. ” I’m so sorry Grey, my mom will scold me if I
came late. Next time better, byieee”, and she left going to the supermarket to
meet her mom. Ryle is still quiet and looks sad, “Is everything ok?”, I asked
him. “What kind of question is that, of course bhudz!” he smiled at me and gave
me a light punch on my arm. “Hey bhudz, since this is my last night here in
your place why don’t we have a drink?”, he asked me. “Yeah right, let me check
the fridge if there are still canned beers”, I replied. I checked the fridge
and there are still canned beers left and we drink all night. We both got drunk
and Ryle is embracing me, he is telling me something but I cannot understand it
all maybe because of the influence of the alcohol. Ryle is crying on my
shoulder and the only word that I heard is ” I missed you Grey” that is the
first time I heard him calling me in my name. He was so drunk that night I put
his left arm on my shoulder and help him get to the bed. He fell completely
asleep and as I was looking at his face my heart throbbed, I know for myself
that I have a thing for him I was just keeping it for myself. “I am not a gay”,
I’m telling this millions of times to myself but why am I having this kind of
feeling. Yes, for a short time being with Ryle I admit that my feelings for him
changed but I always asked myself If I am gay then why did I fall for Andy, is
it right to fall in love with both girl and guy?, then I reflected to seek for
the answer and I found out that the feeling I had for Andy is not love, in my
conclusion it’s just a escape- goat to fill-in the feelings I have for Ryle.
That means I love Ryle even before he left me, and I just used Andy to move on.
A warm fluid ran through my face and I was still staring at sleeping Ryle, “I
Love You Ryle”, I couldn’t stop myself because I feel like if I never said it
out loud my heart would burst out and then I kissed him. This is the only way
to free my feelings for him and I told myself after  that I will forget that I once fell inlove
with him and no one will know about it but I was surprised when he kissed me
back. I couldn’t believe that we were doing it, does Ryle have feelings also
for me?,Is he gay? Does he also love me?..I was completely puzzled then
suddenly Ryle made a sound “Ah…Andyyy….”. I was really shocked when I heard it
and I got out of the room, I’m going crazy that time because I can’t believe
that Ryle and Andy were keeping secrets from me, I want to shout and cry. It
hurts me so much, how come that the two most important thing to you. . .they
lied! Traitor!…I went out of the apartment and left. I decided to go to my
aunt’s place somewhere in Oriental Mindoro province to unwind and forget. Days,
weeks, months and years passed and never did I hear a thing about them, I
studied very hard until I achieved my ultimate dream to be a successful
business man and now I am the most famous figure in the field of business. I
got interviews from the media everyday and they were asking me if what or who
is my inspiration in achieving my dream. As usual, I always give them no answer
but the truth is, my past experience is my inspiration and the broken heart
that they gave me is always my motivation. So if I have a chance I wanna meet
them and thank them for the broken heart, because if it wasn’t for them I won’t
achieve this fame, this success.

It was Sunday afternoon; the sun kisses the vastness
of the ocean. All I can hear is a thrilling music made by the birds playing
freely up the blue sky. I was just quietly lying on a swing hangs on both
trunks of a twin coconut trees listening to my favorite music “PAIN IN MY
HEART”.